There is a vast amount of content out there on the internet involving questions to ask and tips to follow when dealing with a sub par (to say the very least) significant other. And there are people out there who really do name bad luck and karma as to why they’ve never had a successful and lasting relationship. And then there’s ghosting and there’s benching and there’s cheating—and the list racks up to being numerous reasons why it didn’t work out.
We know, we know: it’s not you, it’s them.
But not all of us are sweet little flower petals all the time.
It’s great if you love yourself and know that you deserve the best kind of love out there, but if you don’t realize that you’re actually kind of an asshole yourself, then you’re probably the problem.
There needs to be some level of self-reflection and understanding when dealing with relationships. Love yourself and have as much confidence as you want, but you absolutely need to be aware of yourself too.
There’s an awesome Louis C.K. quote about it:
“Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go ‘Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.’”
You can ask your partner as many trust questions as you want in order to ensure that they’re the right one for you, but you also need to understand that you can’t just be a dick and not recognize or acknowledge it.
Sometimes it very well could be because that person you were seeing really, really sucked. And that’s fine, ok, it’s really not on you to try to fix them or to try to live with that.
But if you’ve experienced a consistent pattern of fizzled-out relationships, while feeling somewhat blindsided about why it keeps happening, then you need to sort your shit out.
Occasionally, you can be The Asshole in the relationship. It happens. You can’t be 110% flawless in everything, and there are so many uncontrollable elements involved in dating, that it’s understandable that you fuck up every once in a while.
But self-awareness is so crucial to understanding why your relationships don’t work out.
You can read all of the articles that describe what it means for someone to really, truly be a perfect match for you, but if you’re gonna be a dick about everything and not consider you’ve got to do some serious legwork as well, then what’s even the point?
Tone down your pride and acknowledge you can sometimes make mistakes and they sometimes, unfortunately, do directly impact other people.
The way to remedying this is just being honest with yourself. Look in the mirror, spin around three times, say it out loud: “Uh, I’m kind of an asshole.”