Life is all about riding the waves. We cannot expect to live a life without all the emotions and for it never to bring dark clouds. I have talked about how to stay strong when times get tough and this really boils down to one thing, mindset!
My husband is very determined about his business. He has literally been in ‘red-mist’ mode for two years now and his focus was to move his business to his own premises and build a business where he can eventually take time out, for ‘quality time’ with his family. It’s like catch twenty two though!
When you want to have a life of leisure, initially you have to put all your energy, waking hours and time into building the business you want and it doesn’t get to a point where it all stops either. In the process of building his business, inevitably it did put strain on our marriage. In the beginning I would blame him for everything, at times even resented him, as it seemed like he was having a fabulous time. He was meeting new people all the time, away on conference weekends, whilst having a laugh on the way and was earning the most through doing what he loved best. I was at home pjs most nights by 7:30pm, had done dinner, washing up and dealt with children’s homework and put them to bed every night. After a while things really began to take there toll on me. During this time I was at my lowest and bored out of my mind. I realised I could carry on and crumble into a little broken woman at the best time of my life – aged 30! Or I could learn a lesson and change the way I looked at my situation and make it into something positive. So I took the latter option! I spent my evenings studying life coaching, feeding myself with books and videos everyday, and adopted a new born confidence of certainty, I knew I could create something new in my life that would full-fill me and coaching was it!
I can honestly say for a few years it had seemed as if everything was going against my husband and I. There was a pressure to be this ‘great couple’. He had his head in something that became his priority, and I was constantly waiting for his attention and at the same time loosing who I was. It really was a up-hill climb! We almost got to the point where we stopped working at the relationship and belay liked each other at times. It’s a hard thing to deal with, especially when you have children to consider also.
I now believe relationships are not at all like fairy tales we often set out believing. If you spend your whole life with someone and never disliked them occasionally then surely there is some sort of award for that? But I don think they give them out as most of us are real and deep down we don’t always feel wonderful and in-love, and that’s ok!
￼There was a time I thought I couldn’t carry on feeling the way I did. I knew I couldn’t change my husband or anyone else for that matter. I felt like I had to make a dissuasion and that was to get out of the relationship, even though we still loved each other . But once I had begun to change my mindset and focus on pleasing myself and learning what got me going, the energy changed and by just saying ‘yes’ to whatever was happening and excepting it for how it was, everything just became easier and the attraction became stronger again. It took a while, it was very tough, but just with a tweak in self development it turned things around.
All the people I used to blame for causing the challenges I faced, I now thank for the lessons I have learned and for becoming a stronger woman for it.
Life is full of abundance. You can either choose to see chaos, or life as one large university.
Turning the situation around…
1. Even when it almost feels impossible to grin and bear it, think about your core beliefs and values – Who you are is a good place to start and helps you climb out of ‘the rut’.
2. Stop yourself when you say, ‘it’s his fault, her fault’ etc etc. Take responsibility for your own life. Deal with whatever comes your way positively. Remember you deserve whatever you think you deserve. So if that’s a negative belief – change it!!
3. Do something new that excites you, start small and build up-to bolder action.
4. Adopt confidence. Remember no-one is born with it, we all acquire it.
5. Consistence is key, keep doing the things that full-fill your needs, and don’t rely on others to do so for you.
6. Never make excuses- especially about not enough money (All this is, is energy, like breathing it comes in, it goes out) believe your life is full of abundance, you have everything you need and what you want you can have:)
7. Always communicate in the other persons language – Do they feel or think? Hear or see? If your man has gone to his ‘cave’ – write a list of different ways you could get your message through to him. i.e. Notes, letters, a dinner out, it’s good to be away from home distractions when you want to talk.
8. Although some of us rebel like myself at giving, when we’re not getting, but when you are prepared to drop the ego and if you truly want your partners attention- then give love, even when they seem disinterested. They will start to pay attention and you more importantly are going to feel great for doing so!
10. If you want to read more I recommend: ‘Men Are From Mars. Women Are From Venus~ by John Gray.