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This Is What Bipolar Disorder Really Feels Like…

Bipolar disorder is a mental health problem that drastically affects ones mood causing manic highs and depressing lows for those that suffer with it.

Around 5.7 million adult Americans are effected with bipolar disorder and it can be found in people of any age and race or social class. Although bipolar disorder is equally common in women and men, research indicates that approximately three times as many women as men experience rapid cycling. 

Mania can be referred to as that “on top of the world sensation” an individual with bipolar illness feels. It’s not simply any joy, it’s not simply any high. It’s harmful, it’s compulsive and it’s confirmed, in our minds, to be 100 percent genuine at the time.

And that’s the risk of it.

If you suffer with bipolar, you’ll know this situation well…

Entering into a manic state is like going to a party with the friend everyone cautions you to keep away from. And when ‘mania’ occurs, it persuades you to stay at the party for a while, not just for the night like everyone else, but to stay there for days. When at the party, mania will encourage you to ‘work the room’ and mingle with everyone there, drink beers with the guys, gossip with the girls and dance with anyone and everyone.

Nothing can stop someone in a manic state and the feeling is  an addictive euphoria. Mania can have you laughing frantically at nothing much, talking all night and craving every high around you. Sometimes it’s just one more dance to your favourite song and sometimes it’s something stronger like another shot or some kind of high. Mania convinces you that more and more will make the feeling even better, no matter how much you do.

And just when you’re feeling on top of the world, mania decides to leave you like the friend that leaves you when the party is over.

Mania doesn’t care that it’s taking the happiness from you, all mania cares about is that it did it’s job in making you feel good while it lasted . Now it’s time for your conscience to take over and make you feel like shit. Anxiety will soon have you feeling guilty for the things you did in your temporary state of euphoria and make you feel like you’ve ruined your life on a large scale , when in actual fact, you really haven’t.

The party is now over and all you’re left with are feelings of guilt and regret. You cry over the things you laughed at during your high. You’re alone in the world even if there’s people around you. Your mania friend has gone and your depression friend has come back to remind you over and over again of how worthless and messed up you are.

Depression will have you glued to your bed for hours on end consuming nothing but your dark thoughts. And when you do manage daily functions,  you do them in a zombie like state whilst wrapped up inside your head.

But just like the mania, the depression is also a phase that will soon pass and the cycle of up and down will continue. The ecstatic highs followed by the lowest of lows.

This is normality for someone with bipolar.

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